Posts Tagged With: Sexy games

“You Might Be A Pervert If…” Grumpy Edition

Hi 69ers! I woke up grumpy today. Since I had no good reason for acting like one of the Seven Dwarfs, I decided that a little pick me up was in order. What do I do, you ask? I do what I always do when I’m in a foul mood. I play You Might Be a Pervert If…

Now as some of you may know—I like to share. After all, I do write ménages. So I figured you might want to play too!

Get Ready…

Get Set…

And Let The Game Begin!

You might be a pervert if…your favorite drink is Kinky vodka, even though you’ve never tasted it because you hate mango, blood orange, passion fruit, and vodka.

You might be a pervert if…you love to play naughty Mad Libs like these:

“A Rough Day”

It all started when I awoke with a horny pain in my cock. Then, my call girl was late. We got fucked in traffic for 69 minutes, which made me naughty for my meeting with Ryan Gosling. I apologized roughly to him, which seemed to make things wicked again. But then the meeting turned into vibrators, with him blowing and biting. I sucked when he licked off. On the way home, we passed a dildo on a butt plug. Suddenly the dildo nibbled in the road and my call girl had to boink to avoid it. In the process, I was kissed from the sex shop, landing on my pussy. I was covered in lube from ass to balls. Could this day get any more luscious? My call girl screwed me back into the sex shop, and we made our way back to the nipple clamps. I went straight to Kinky, Kansas. I was lusty!

OR

“Betcha Can’t Taste the Difference”

Compare our Honey Erotic Romance Novel Toasty O’s to Honey Erotic Romance Novel Lucky Charms Cereal. You’ll moan the taste, and you’ll moan the price.

Porn-O-Meal Bowl cereals are not only salacious, they’re the best story in the cereal aisle. Compare Porn-O-Meal cereals with the groaning box brands, and you’ll see they contain all of the same whips and chains. We use only high quality handcuffs, too, so you can fuck on the sexy cock ring and scorching crop in every bowl.

Make the delicious choice with Porn-O-Meal cereals. For sexy cock ring, scorching crop, and a decadent price, it’s in the bowl!

 

You might be a pervert if…this sex toy has a special meaning to you. (Louisville Slugger, that’s all I’m saying.)

 photo GirlversionofLouisvilleSlugger_zps350670bb.jpg

You might be a pervert if…you see this in a local liquor store and laugh so hard you snort. (In the voice of Dory from Finding Nemo: “Just Keep swimming. Just keep swimming. Just keep swimming, swimming, swimming…”)

 photo SpermLiquorBottle_zpsdf0b0b1a.jpg

You might be a pervert if…your favorite Bond movie is Octopussy. (Did I mention that you haven’t seen it—or any other James Bond movie—like ever?)

You might be a pervert if…if you watch porn on your smartphone because you have no Internet connection. (Hehehe. A girl has to do what a girl has to do)

You might be a pervert if…you were the only person laughing out loud in the theater while watching Wreck It Ralph.

  • Seriously? A fundgeon? Boy, I want to see the adult version of the ‘fun dungeon.’ (Whips, chains, and handcuffs, oh my!)
  • Holy guacamole! King Candy wants someone to milk his duds. (Not even for money, big boy.)
  • And Sheesh, there’s a character based around a Maraschino Cherry who’s named Jubileena Bang-Bang. Oh, scratch that. It sounded like Bang-Bang. But it is technically Bing-Bing. (My bad.)

You might be a pervert if…”Consider it hammered” doesn’t have the same meaning to you as it does to Pat from Handy Manny.

You might be a pervert if…you hear about the Bunny Bot 3000. But naturally, you assume it’s the vibe to end all vibes. Only it isn’t. The Bunny Bot 3000 is a toy on the Disney show, Jesse. (Oopsie. Glad I didn’t buy that one. Talk about a surprise.)

You might be a pervert if…you can’t drive by the Quaker, Steak, and Lube without a lewd remark. (Come on, Quaker, Steak, and Lube is just too good to pass up.)

You might be a pervert if…the Easy button makes you wistful for high school. (No, I don’t meet this one. I was a good girl back then. Now stop laughing! I’m serious. I was sweet and innocent…for a while. But that hubby of mine had to go and pervert me. Damn, I knew I loved him.)

 photo TheEasyButton_zps370f513e.jpg

Love and cherries,

-Mia

Categories: 69 Shade Of Smut, Life, Uncategorized | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 8 Comments

You Might Be A Pervert If…

Happy Sunday, 69ers! It’s that time again…time to play with me. “You Might Be a Pervert If,” that is. So let’s get right up on that pervert stick and play. Why yes, you might be a pervert if you thought dirty thoughts about what I just said. Wink, wink.

  • You might be a pervert if…a friend of yours went horseback riding and then told you that she “was only riding an hour before her ass started to hurt.” And you think, “What was his name?”
  • You might be a pervert if…you and your friends made up an alternative adult alphabet. (Think – ‘A is for Anal’ rather than “A is for Apple’)
  • You might be a pervert if…you open your e-mail and have five or more catalogs from adult stores.
  • You might be a pervert if…you can name the majority of the porn stars in the adult video store.
  • You might be a pervert if…you walk into a house with a realtor and think to yourself, “Wow, this would make a great room for a porn scene.” Or even better, you walk into a house and ask the realtor, “Wow, was this the house in the porn flick Riding the Rails? It looks awfully familiar.
  • You might be a pervert if…you walk into a friend’s basement and think, “You know, a St. Andrew’s Cross would set off that corner perfectly.” (Hmm, Wonder if Vern Yip would be willing….Oh! That brings me to the next one.)
  • You might be a pervert if…you have written in to HGTV for help with building the perfect dungeon.
  • You might be a pervert if…you went to an autograph signing at an adult store. (I was so bummed when I missed that event.)
  • You might be a pervert if…you look for one of the following “board” games in a chain store: Gay or Straight; Boxers, Briefs, or Commando; Top or Bottom.
  • You might be a pervert if…you know of at least three things to do with ginger that involves your body, and only one of them can include ingestion.
  • You might be a pervert if…you see red and blue lights behind you and think to yourself, “God, I hope he has his handcuffs out.”
  • You might be a pervert if…you see a state trooper and think of the song “You Can Leave Your Hat On.”
  • You might be a pervert if…you read or hear the word ‘violet’ and think of a wand.
  • You might be a pervert if…you watch Pirates of the Caribbean and fantasize about Johnny and Orlando in a major lip lock. (Preferably on a bed without a stitch of clothes. Um, where was I?)
  • You might be a pervert if…you go to get your oil changed and giggle when the hot mechanic asks you if you want a lube job. (No one would blame you if you said yes…)
  • You might be a pervert if…you see a group of three people and immediately think to yourself, “Wonder if they’re in a ménage?”
  • You might be a pervert if…you request extra studs in your ceiling when you’re building your house. (Safety first. Sturdiness is essential when hanging a sex swing).
  • You might be a pervert if…you pervert a stuffed animal at Build-A-Bear (Think Bondage Bear, baby!).
  • You might be a pervert if…you have to call the firemen to get handcuffs cut off. (That is an awfully convenient – I mean good – reason for a visit from the fine firemen of Fire House 69)
  • You might be a pervert if…you married a sailor only because he is good with knots. (And he looks rather dishy in his uniform, too!)
  • You might be a pervert if…your hottie closet is bigger than your actual closet.
  • You might be a pervert if…you are actually reading this blog!

So are you a pervert? Goodness knows that I am. And let me tell you, I wear the badge proudly. I hope you do, too!

XOXOXO,

-Mia

Categories: Uncategorized | Tags: , , , | 30 Comments

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