Posts Tagged With: Perverting

“You Might Be A Pervert If…” Grumpy Edition

Hi 69ers! I woke up grumpy today. Since I had no good reason for acting like one of the Seven Dwarfs, I decided that a little pick me up was in order. What do I do, you ask? I do what I always do when I’m in a foul mood. I play You Might Be a Pervert If…

Now as some of you may know—I like to share. After all, I do write ménages. So I figured you might want to play too!

Get Ready…

Get Set…

And Let The Game Begin!

You might be a pervert if…your favorite drink is Kinky vodka, even though you’ve never tasted it because you hate mango, blood orange, passion fruit, and vodka.

You might be a pervert if…you love to play naughty Mad Libs like these:

“A Rough Day”

It all started when I awoke with a horny pain in my cock. Then, my call girl was late. We got fucked in traffic for 69 minutes, which made me naughty for my meeting with Ryan Gosling. I apologized roughly to him, which seemed to make things wicked again. But then the meeting turned into vibrators, with him blowing and biting. I sucked when he licked off. On the way home, we passed a dildo on a butt plug. Suddenly the dildo nibbled in the road and my call girl had to boink to avoid it. In the process, I was kissed from the sex shop, landing on my pussy. I was covered in lube from ass to balls. Could this day get any more luscious? My call girl screwed me back into the sex shop, and we made our way back to the nipple clamps. I went straight to Kinky, Kansas. I was lusty!

OR

“Betcha Can’t Taste the Difference”

Compare our Honey Erotic Romance Novel Toasty O’s to Honey Erotic Romance Novel Lucky Charms Cereal. You’ll moan the taste, and you’ll moan the price.

Porn-O-Meal Bowl cereals are not only salacious, they’re the best story in the cereal aisle. Compare Porn-O-Meal cereals with the groaning box brands, and you’ll see they contain all of the same whips and chains. We use only high quality handcuffs, too, so you can fuck on the sexy cock ring and scorching crop in every bowl.

Make the delicious choice with Porn-O-Meal cereals. For sexy cock ring, scorching crop, and a decadent price, it’s in the bowl!

 

You might be a pervert if…this sex toy has a special meaning to you. (Louisville Slugger, that’s all I’m saying.)

 photo GirlversionofLouisvilleSlugger_zps350670bb.jpg

You might be a pervert if…you see this in a local liquor store and laugh so hard you snort. (In the voice of Dory from Finding Nemo: “Just Keep swimming. Just keep swimming. Just keep swimming, swimming, swimming…”)

 photo SpermLiquorBottle_zpsdf0b0b1a.jpg

You might be a pervert if…your favorite Bond movie is Octopussy. (Did I mention that you haven’t seen it—or any other James Bond movie—like ever?)

You might be a pervert if…if you watch porn on your smartphone because you have no Internet connection. (Hehehe. A girl has to do what a girl has to do)

You might be a pervert if…you were the only person laughing out loud in the theater while watching Wreck It Ralph.

  • Seriously? A fundgeon? Boy, I want to see the adult version of the ‘fun dungeon.’ (Whips, chains, and handcuffs, oh my!)
  • Holy guacamole! King Candy wants someone to milk his duds. (Not even for money, big boy.)
  • And Sheesh, there’s a character based around a Maraschino Cherry who’s named Jubileena Bang-Bang. Oh, scratch that. It sounded like Bang-Bang. But it is technically Bing-Bing. (My bad.)

You might be a pervert if…”Consider it hammered” doesn’t have the same meaning to you as it does to Pat from Handy Manny.

You might be a pervert if…you hear about the Bunny Bot 3000. But naturally, you assume it’s the vibe to end all vibes. Only it isn’t. The Bunny Bot 3000 is a toy on the Disney show, Jesse. (Oopsie. Glad I didn’t buy that one. Talk about a surprise.)

You might be a pervert if…you can’t drive by the Quaker, Steak, and Lube without a lewd remark. (Come on, Quaker, Steak, and Lube is just too good to pass up.)

You might be a pervert if…the Easy button makes you wistful for high school. (No, I don’t meet this one. I was a good girl back then. Now stop laughing! I’m serious. I was sweet and innocent…for a while. But that hubby of mine had to go and pervert me. Damn, I knew I loved him.)

 photo TheEasyButton_zps370f513e.jpg

Love and cherries,

-Mia

Categories: 69 Shade Of Smut, Life, Uncategorized | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 8 Comments

%d bloggers like this: