Posts Tagged With: holidays

Chasing the sun

First things first, thank you Layna for covering for me on the 23rd, feel better real soon Mia, congratulations Tari Lynn, and welcome new followers! It’s gonna take a moment to get to know you all. ūüėČ

And hi, my name is Dita, and I’m not the silent partner, I’ve been on the road, traveling the west coast of Thailand. The sun is in short supply but great demand this time of year up here (Scandinavia), so we travel in search of it as often as we can. Plus the world may be cruel and crazy, but it’s also full of beauty and wonder and I grab every chance of seeing it, warts and all!

Spot the differences, or should I say similarities, if you can find any. Last week (sorry for the blotches, taken in water):

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This week:

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It’s been snowing ever since we returned so there’s no going out without seven layers of clothing and Hubby, who’s been mucho macho about removing everything by hand, is eyeing some heavy-duty snow blowers. No wonder, we’re jet-lagged and travel-worn and I’m having serious trouble getting my game on, but I find it a good tired, a happy tired where your head swims with all you’ve seen and heard, smelled, touched and tasted.

I don’t think a writer’s mind ever vacations. Without even noticing, you’re always on a hunting and gathering expedition, taking in the world with all your senses and tucking things away for later use. Some new/renewed sights and sensations gathered along the way:

Sand fine as flour, white as talc

A tangerine sun setting over azure waters

Stars by the thousands (Living in a city, you never really get to see them.)

Fish in every color you care to imagine (I found Nemo!)

Sea snakes and baby sharks

Sharing your toilet with ants, spiders and mosquitoes, and feeling you’re the intruder (Obviously their turf and trail until someone built a toilet on it.)

Locust concertos, as if conducted. Crescendo, furioso, diminuendo.

Curry. Red, yellow and green. Chili, lemongrass and kaffir lime. (Yummy and oh so hot.)

Beer (which I rarely drink). There’s not always water to be had but there’s always, always, beer. Seriously. (No, the kids didn’t have beer, they had colas in a pinch, but the recipe was so artificially syrupy I chose beer.)

Fruit, the way it’s supposed to taste (Papaya so ripe it smells like barf but tastes like sugary butter. Hmm-mmm.)

Jellyfish burns (Have managed to avoid them all my life. Well, they got me now.)

The silence of the sea, interrupted by fish nibbling on coral (You can totally hear it. You can! I have footage!! Recordings!!!)

Falling asleep to the crashing waves

A police boat in the middle of a field, tossed way inland by the tsunami of 2004

The smell of puke mixing with engine fumes, and seventy more minutes to go (Makes even the strongest stomach roil.)

The salty breeze. Balm to the skin, balm to the soul.

Holding on for dear life in the back of a pickup truck going 55 mph/90 kmh. Your ride.

Tropical thunderstorms. There’s rain and then there’s Rain.

One of my Hydroterra Shandals dying on me at a Really Bad Moment

Sweating up a mountainside. “Madam follow trail.” (Madam couldn’t see a trail, only a barely there path in the jungle. The view was totally worth the grime and climb.)

And a myriad other things waiting to be digested. I wish I could report I had some awesome holiday sex, but no such luck this time around, we traveled with kids in tow 24/7, and you bet it was frustrating having my hot man from the cold parade his half-naked self around me all day long. It was a tease of a two weeks, but we’re home now and uh oh look a the word count, I’m tiring you all out, aren’t I?

Travel heightens your capability for and sense of wonder because you’re removed from the common and comfortable and taken Elsewhere where they do things differently. The farther removed from your everyday existence the better, methinks. But more on that on my blog later today, if and when I get my thoughts in order. By the 23rd, I should have gotten my smut on. And you can take that any way you like because that’s what you’ll do anyway. ūüėČ

Until then, have a sexcellent carnival weekend, 69ers!

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We have a winner!

Season’s greetings from the top of the world! Scandinavians start earnest celebrations on Christmas Eve (this is, after all, Santa’s very own subcontinent) so I’m knee-deep in holiday preparations as we speak. And hiding in plain sight from said duties chatting with you for a moment.

I want to thank my partners in smut for the good times we’ve shared this year. Can’t wait to see what you come up with next! I especially want to thank everyone who has stopped by the blog to read and comment, celebrate and commiserate. Don’t be strangers in 2013, you hear?!

I hope I’ve managed to entertain you. I hope that whatever is hurting you soon hurts you no more. I hope that those who are alone can still appreciate the break the holidays bring. I hope that wherever you are, your holiday spirit runs high. I hope that in the spirit of that spirit, unless your goal is to one day be the wealthiest body in the boneyard, you give as good as you get.

Be good, be grateful, be kind. Have fun! All-in, balls out, guilt-free. As Erma Bombeck put it: “Seize the moment. Remember all those women on the Titanic who waved off the dessert cart.” Enjoy!

Wishing you peace, joy, and peace of mind,

With love,

Dita

Whoa, hey lady, come back here, where’s that gift card? Got ya! I wish I could have given everyone something, so let’s do this again sometime. For now, boy am I glad I didn’t have to decide. I asked Santa’s sexy helper (remember him?) and he said…

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Susan, stand by for a message from yours truly madly deeply.

See you all again next year!

Smooches plus the warmest of hugs,

D.

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O Come, All Ye Smutful

Frisky Friday, 69ers! With the holidays closing in, and since it is Black Friday, I thought we’d go XXX-mas shopping. I called the Holiday Hotline and this sexy elf volunteered to help us out.

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Hotline, indeed… His first suggestions were more nice than naughty, but I guess you have to have something you can actually put under the family tree. So, to help us get organized, he took me to Knock Knock. In addition to the holiday helpers, I found gifts for friends, lovers and book lovers.

A bookish site worth a visit if you’re in the US, UK or Australia is the Penguin Classics gifts and gear store. Sweet Danger tote, anyone?

When I asked for some sexy and sensual suggestions for friends and/or lovers or oneself, this is what he offered…

Magnetic Poetry Kits. You’ve seen these, right? But did you know there’s one for book lovers, love, and lovers alike? An erotic and sexual innuendo kit, a queer kit and one for improving on your pick-up artistry? Oh yes.¬†He also mentioned a Yahtzee-like dice game that “Goes really well with good friends and cheap liquor.” O-kay.

On that thirsty note, how about a dirty martini?¬†Just don’t drink on an empty stomach. To fill it up, how about some of those aphrodisiacs we talked about last time? The 10th anniversary edition of The New InterCourses: An Aphrodisiac Cookbook tastes as good as it looks.

Everybody well-fed and relaxed? How about some fun and games brought to you by Ball & Chain, everything from foreplay and romance through fetish and role-play to cards and dice games, a tongue-in-cheek way to spice up your life.

Time to get cleaned up so we can get down and dirty. Elf suggested a long shower or bath with the Body Spa Vibrating Bath Sponge (comes in soft foam and mesh). Quite an innocent-looking gift, but looks can be deceiving. Follow up with a massage from the Erotic Massage Deck Р50 Sensual Techniques to Get You in the Mood, but beware: a couple of these may put you in the mood but several will just put you to sleep!

Need oil to go with that? Fantasize about erotic waxing but afraid you’ll get burned? Try a massage candle. There’s a scent out there for every taste and when the heat is on, just blow it out and pour it on. Or use a lickable massage oil. Hmm-mmm.

What would the holidays be without toys? Very dull, said I, and Elf agreed. And flew me west to neighboring Norway. Turns out not only are Norwegians naughty, they have a great eye for comfort and versatility. Why not get him a Laid P.2 or P.3 Silicone Cock Ring? Where to get Laid. (Sorry. Couldn’t resist!) And for you, her, or a friend you want to make really, really happy, the sweetest thing, the B3 Onye Fleur Vibrator. It’s pretty, powerful, feminine, discreet and it’s waterproof.

Ready to get dressed for that family function? Try keeping a straight face while wearing a pair of OhMiBod Vibrating Panties with your partner in control. Yes, it’s a dare. Any takers? Accessorize with these objects of discreet intimate purposes and hidden functions from Incognito.

And gentlemen, or ladies… If you insist on buying sweet nothings for your partner, or if she expects you to but it always ends up bad, Elf suggested the following. Take a tour of shops like Chantelle, La Perla, Chamela, Agent Provocateur, Fleur of England, Le Myst√®re, Spoylt, marlies dekkers, Victoria’s Secret, Trudy Affair, Frederick’s of Hollywood, Cosabella, Elle Macpherson Intimates, insert your favorite destination here, decide which collection you like, get a gift card, and let her make the final choice. Win-win!

All dressed up and nowhere to go? Hop in bed then, tie your partner down and have your wicked way with them. No bed frame? No problem! With the Under The Bed Restraint System you don’t need one. Best of all, it’s comfortable, adjustable, easy, fast, and family-friendly. The kids may go through your drawers and closets, but I doubt they’ll look under the mattress. Couple it with a blindfold, and you’re all set. Sleep masks make excellent blinfolds, btw, since they’re designed to be light-weight, soft, flexible and breathable, and they usually come with a nose bridge so there’s no peeking!

Play hard, Elf said, but play safe. And riddled me this: What or who mixes plaid, charity and sex? Hint: It’s a quality gift that keeps on giving.

SexySanta3

“Good luck with that shopping!”

Why thank you, you sexy thing, and thanks for the holiday help! (And just so you know, 69ers, I’m not affiliated with any of these stores, only trying to lend a helping hand.)

Any must-haves you’d like to share, any hints or wishes you’d like to put out there? Let us know in comments. And have yourselves a sexcellent holiday season. Muah!

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A Dirty Thanksgiving

Oh hey, y’all! I’m Danica Avet, brand new author here on 69 Shades of Smut. I write paranormal erotic romance with¬†a touch of Cajun spice for Ellora’s Cave, Evernight Publishing and Siren Publishing. Obviously, I was born and raised in south Louisiana and as I’m sure most of y’all know, we¬†love our food here. And we especially love hot, spicy food. Isn’t that what we’re supposed to be talking about this month? Food? Well have I got it for y’all.

Tomorrow’s Turkey Day here in the U.S. This is a time for families to come together, eat until they have to roll themselves home, park themselves in front of a television and watch football (or hockey). Isn’t there some kind of hockey exhibition game on Thanksgiving day as well? I don’t know much about hockey. The only ice we see down here is in our drinks. But we’re not here to talk about sports, which is my second favorite thing in the world. We’re talking about food and the smuttiness that can be found at the Thanksgiving dinner table.

I’m going to talk about some of the buzz words that could be taken completely out of context by a dirty-minded author. *raises her hand* That would be me, by the way.

Stuffing the turkey:

I’m so juvenile sometimes, it’s a wonder I’ve manage to function in the real world. We don’t stuff turkeys down here. Or at least my family doesn’t. Stuffing it sounds like you’re either going to mount it on the wall (heh, I said mount) or fill it with feathers. Or, if you have an inner 12-year-old boy, something illegal is going inside that poor, frozen turkey. Stuffing it good and hard. Food porn!

Talk of pie:

Again, my inner 12-year-old boy wants to go all stupid with the pie jokes. Especially since every year my uncle sits down with the cherry pie he eats with his fingers, a glazed look on his face. Really? There are so many things I could say about cherry pie, apple pie and hair pie, but that wouldn’t be right. I mean, these people are my family members. Y’all aren’t. Sorry.

Dirty Rice:

There’s a bit of a debate over the difference between dirty rice and rice dressing.¬†My family¬†never eats rice dressing. It’s always dirty rice in our house even though we don’t cook ours with chicken gizzards or liver. If the rice is brown and has meat in it, it’s dirty. Dirty, dirty rice. Every holiday has dirty rice. Rice is like its own food group in south Louisiana and the name is awesome. Dirty. Rice. It’s like that Janet Jackson, Nasty Boys¬†song when she says her name is Janet, Ms. Jackson if you’re nasty. It’s rice…dirty if you’re Cajun. See? It totally works.

And that’s all I have. I apologize if this post made absolutely no sense. I’m just coming off of an upper respiratory infection and ze¬†drugz are making me loopy. I really do hope everyone who celebrates Thanksgiving has a wonderful, safe holiday. Get nasty with your food, call it dirty and make obscene jokes (in your mind) when someone talks about how hard they stuffed the turkey.

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