Fun with Your Lover

I have a whole list of things for making a relationship work, but we’re not talking about relationships today.

What we all want to know is how to have fun in the sack?


Yes, you need to laugh in bed while under your lover, screaming at how they make you feel.

The joy of the moment and the journey to fulfillment should be entertaining.

So how do we achieve this?



Mix it up…

new places – bed, floor, couch, kitchen, bathtub, etc

new positions – change who’s on top, standing, sitting, 69, etc.

new games – master/slave, innocent student, break out a camera, strip poker, etc.



This can take place minutes, hours or days before you jump your lover.

Tease daily with ideas of what you have plan to do next time your between the sheets –

“I want to run my tongue over you, tasting every inch of you before I …” then hang up the phone.

Put a chocolate kiss in your lover’s briefcase.

Meet at your lover at door in a nightie.

I believe you’re getting the point…

Hope these idea help you find the bliss you’re looking for from your lover. If you need a daily dose of romantic ideas, check out my blog for a more ideas.

Here’s to a night of fun with your lover,

Anita Philmar


Categories: 69 Shade Of Smut, Life | Tags: , | Leave a comment


When it comes to books, we’re all reading, writing, and fantasizing about menage and more relationships. I’ve written 15 menage stories in a host of combinations. Most are MMF (male, male, female).


So what do we find so appealing about polyamorous relationships? Besides being mind-bendingly sexy, it’s taboo. When you go out for drinks with the gals, they don’t ask your husband’s name and then ask your boyfriend’s name. Your kid’s teacher doesn’t ask about his two daddies.

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Recently I got into a discussion with a good friend about these types of relationships. We’ve agreed that going forward, the world might see more of them. Why? A good reason to join with more than one person is finances. Think more resources. Three incomes are better than two, and really that extra guy doesn’t take up too much room in the bed, right? (yummm)

Also think about sharing responsibilities. In a world where all parties work, it would be nice to have an extra set of hands to pick up the slack–or the dirty socks, dry cleaning, etc.

And I know you’re already thinking of the emotional and sexual possibilities, so I’ll leave that to your imagination!

According to research about 10% of America’s population claims to be polyamorous. Out of these people, most are white and in their 30s, 40s, and 50s. (points to self. Target age!)


Polyamorous doesn’t have to mean the parties all co-habitate, though. Maybe Kate and her husband have another boyfriend and girlfriend, who also have spouses and they all meet up once a month for an adult night.


Have you ever dreamed of being part of a menage? Here’s a little fantasy to get your day off to a start!

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It’ll take more than rope to tie down the man they love.

Country Fever, Book 3

When Christian comes out of the bar to find a bat-wielding country girl beating the hell out of his best friend Tucker’s truck, he does the only thing he can—he flirts with her. Unfortunately, he knows her pain—he’s in love with Tucker too.

Claire plans to nurse her bruised heart alone, but inevitably Tucker draws her back in—along with Christian—and the three of them tumble headlong into delirious passion. Then she and Christian wake to find that Tucker has fled his horse ranch, leaving them to care for the animals and each other.

Still grieving the death of his fiancée, pressured to sign over mining rights to a coal company, Tucker is boots-deep in emotional turmoil. Running only sharpens his longing for what he truly wants—Christian and Claire in his bed, in the barn, and under the stars.

But roping themselves firmly inside the circle of love will take everything they have—bulldogged determination, flying fists and aching hearts.

Product Warnings

Wrangle one heartsick cowboy, and the man and woman who love him. Throw in weeks of working in close quarters, bales of pent-up lust, and feel the burn of prairie-fire-hot desire. Now just try to walk away with your heart unbranded.



The bell on the door tinkled. At the sound, she hopped off the counter and glanced up.

She stopped breathing.


And right behind him, Christian.

Claire backed up until the counter dug painfully into her spine. Please don’t make me wait on you.

The last thing she was capable of was acting nonchalant while serving eggs and home fries to the man she was in love with—especially when she wanted to roll out of his bed and pad off to his kitchen to prepare them herself.

But the look on Tucker’s handsome face told her that he was here for more than eggs. She’d seen that blazing look before, right before he trapped her hands behind her back and bent her over a hay bale.

Dark heat slithered downward to capture her folds. Her nipples bunched up hard.

“We’ve got some unfinished business, Claire.” When Tucker used this commanding tone, she’d follow him around like a pony, doing tricks until he rewarded her with the sweet sugar of his kisses.

He and Christian strode across the dining room, muscles rolling with purpose. She dragged in a harsh breath. “I don’t think—”

“I do.” Tucker planted his hands on her waist and leaned over her, dizzying her with his personal spice before he slammed his mouth over hers. She gasped around his lips, and he slid in his tongue. Plundering. Stealing any protestation.

Her body reacted with a violent shiver. Cream soaked her panties as she took note of his hardness—every inch of it.

Christian made a noise that brought Tucker’s head up. He stared into her eyes for a split second before plucking her off her feet and bearing her to the back of the diner, past the mish-mash of photographs plastering the walls of several generations of patrons. Smiling faces. Voyeuristic faces.

Tucker pressed her into the last booth and crowded in beside her. Christian hung back a little, leaning against a table a few feet off. She sent Christian a frantic look, but he gave her a slow, amused smile that twisted the knot tighter in her core.

“Wait, Tucker—”

He nuzzled her temple, spattered kisses down to her jaw then circled around to her earlobe, which he bit sharply.

She squirmed, watching Christian’s smile widen.

“What’s going on?” While she longed for more of Tucker’s kisses—the hottest brand she’d ever known—she couldn’t let him drag her heart behind his horse anymore.

“I never laid a hand on Allie,” Tucker whispered into her ear. Hot words that did hotter things to her body and incinerated her heart.


Tucker’s blue eyes loomed close as he stared into hers. “That was Christian. Sometimes we…watch each other. Christian thinks you’re as gorgeous as I do. In fact, you’ve been the object of one of our joint fantasies.”

She twitched as he slipped a finger down her spine. Her breath came faster. Joint fantasy? Her mind reeled around the words, and she opened her mouth to speak but nothing came out.

Tucker’s slow grin heated her core. But his statement melted her into a puddle of want. “Right now, Christian wants me to finger your pussy so he can see. You all right with that, baby?”

Her leg muscles burned to snap shut even as she hungered to let them part.

“Beautiful Claire, I’m sorry.” He nipped her throat in that sweet spot that made all the hair on her body stand up. “Let me make it up to you. And let Christian be witness to it.”

Briefly, a thread of a question wove through her mind. Make it up to me by getting me off in front of another man? But then Tucker plunged his tongue into her mouth, and she lost control completely.

A long minute passed as she let Tucker’s flavors fill her head even as Christian looked on. His strong presence and hooded gaze excited the hell out of her.

“With Christian?” Tucker asked.

“Yes,” she gasped between kisses.

Her breath hitched as he inched rough fingers up her inner thighs to her soaking heat. Christian crossed his arms and leaned back a bit, his gaze directed under the table. Tucker positioned her, draping a calf over his big thigh and pushing aside the small patch of fabric covering her pussy.

Being back in his arms again, with his mouth on hers, drove away thoughts of her surroundings and the previous state of her heart. She gave in to the swirling caress of his fingertip on her clit.

Christian’s moan reverberated in the quiet of the diner. Tucker echoed it, easing his finger over her slit and into her dripping channel. Shards of electric desire burst inside her. She bucked her hips, trying to draw his thick digit into her pussy.

Tucker nibbled her parted lips, her tongue. His soft hair swept over her cheek, reminding her more of making love to him. Sweet tears burned in her throat.

“That’s it, baby. Open to me. Let me make you cling to the ceiling while Christian watches you come apart.”

I’m giving away prizes! 3 menages of your choice from my backlist:









(some of the 15 titles  stated above are not yet released)

Comment for a chance to win!

Em Petrova
~hardworking heroes–in bed and out~


Categories: Characters, Contest, Free Book, Life, New Release, Uncategorized | 29 Comments

Where They Lead, I Will Follow…Grumbling and Cussing the Whole Way

Would you jump off a cliff if your friends told you to? Growing up, my mom pulled this goodie out of her wise parent arsenal more often than not. I’m sure yours did, too. After all, it’s a common mom-ism. Like Do as I say, not as I do, Because I said so, and Do you want a spanking?  Yep, as a red-blooded adult woman with kinky tendencies, that last one made me laugh, too.  Heaven knows I love a good spanking from the hubby.

But, as always, I’m digressing…

So before I fall into the gutter and play with my naughty mind, we should get back to jumping off cliffs and friends. Wow, that sounded seriously wrong. Ah crap, y’all know what I mean. I’m talking about following others obediently like a bunch of brainless minions trailing behind His Royal Evilness The King of Villain-ville.

Now, I’m not a fan of following people. Why? Because I like to be different. I like being the weirdo, the perv, and the freak. It makes life fun. At the very least, it makes life interesting. Or so that’s what my husband tells me—a lot. But as a writer, following the characters is necessary. And while it is a necessity, I hate it.

Yep, I admit it. I do not like being out of control. My inner control freak gets all pissy and starts pulling her frizzy hair out, which leaves me outwardly grumbling and cussing at anyone who comes within hearing distance. On a bad day, I’ll start growling and snarling like a deranged beast. Let me tell you, it’s not a pretty sight to see. However, the books I write are not about me. They are not my story. They belong to the characters they’re centered around. Ergo, I have to suck it up and be their puppet. Right?


Only I don’t work well that way. I swear I spend as much time fussing and fighting with my characters as I do writing their story. Why? Because I’m a glutton for punishment, of course. See, the characters always win. Always. I know that. And they know that. Still, I refuse to cave. But hey, no one can deny that I’m a stubborn and persistent and slightly off-kilter woman. I mean, seriously, I hear voices in my head, and I argue with them—even though I know it is a losing battle. I figure that puts me in the slightly off-kilter category. Well, that’s nicer than what a psychiatrist might tell me.

Geez. I’m getting off topic again

So what does my rambling have to do with the price of tea in China? Well, I’m getting to that. Patience, my friends. Patience.

Recently, I started working on a new story. No, I won’t tell you who. You’ll have to wait and see. But as I dug in to the meat of the book, I realized that she wasn’t ready yet. It wasn’t her time for a book. What do you think I did? I’ll give you three guesses:

1. I immediately stopped her story and started a different, more pressing one. After all, I’m a smart writer. Oh yeah baby, that’s me.


2. I chewed my nails and prayed that she’d change her mind. That seemed like the best course of action. Who needs pretty nails? Certainly not moi.


3. I said, “Aw, come on. You know you wanna find your HEA,” and dangled porn in front of the character. Then proceeded to write stuff that would eventually find a new home…in the garbage can. Makes sense to me.

If you took door number three, you would be correct. I continued to write. Of course, the harder I tried, the quieter she became. By the time I chucked her story, she was completely, totally, and utterly silent. Now, no one panic. This heroine and her heroes will be getting their story. Definitely. Without a doubt. One of these days. Just not yet. There are a few things that must happen first.

Yes, I’m planning ahead. And no, the world is not coming to an end. (sniffs) Can you believe it? (sniffs) I’m rather proud of myself, too.

So…are you getting curious yet? Have I intrigued you? (wiggles eyebrows) You know you want to find out who has become the center of my writing universe. You’re just dying to hear which characters are talking so loudly that I’d need ear plugs to muffle them. Aren’t you? Well, I guess I could tell you. But, you know what? I don’t think I will. I think it would be more fun to see if you can figure out who the characters are on your own.

Since I’m such a nice, sweet woman, I shall even share a hint or two or, maybe even, three with you.

  1. The heroine is a mystery.
  2.  One hero is a reader favorite.
  3. And there are not one, but two, other heroes. Mmhhmm…Talk about ‘the more, the merrier.’

Any ideas, anyone? Feel free to leave your guesses in a comment below.

And until next time, don’t do anything I wouldn’t. XOXOXO!

Love and cherries,


Categories: 69 Shade Of Smut, Books, Characters, Life | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , | 6 Comments

Dirty old men. Who knew they could still get it on?

By the way, this is a true story, and I’m truly wishing I had mental bleach right about now.

A couple of weeks ago, I was leaving Walmart  in a rush to get home. By the time I figured out which row I parked my car in, I crossed the main lane only to hear the following by two men, beyond middle-aged discuss:

Old man #1: “Damn! It’s been long time since I’ve been able to find a piece of ass.”

Old man #2: “Yup. I’ve got the same problem.”

Old man #1: “If it isn’t one thing, it’s another, and they’re mostly dogs.”


At this point I can’t help but do a double take as I’m walking by. Both are overweight, and very unattractive.


Old man #1: … I just need to fuck something wet.”


At that moment, I nearly barfed in my mouth. All sorts of wrong crossed my mind when I heard that last part.


Believe me, I’m not prude. Hell, if I were, would I be so delighted to be in such perverted company? There has got to be a time and place to have those kinds of conversations. The Walmart parking lot, is definitely not one of those places. The last thing I want to hear is two old fogies getting their cock on, or a lack thereof.

So that’s my story, what about yours? Have you walked into a conversation of all kinds of wrong? Please share. I want to know!



Categories: 69 Shade Of Smut, Life | Tags: , , , , , | 6 Comments

Vacation pics

I don’t know if you can really call it a vacation with all the writing I’ve been getting done, but I have been traveling. That’s the blessing/curse about being a writer. You can pretty much do it anywhere, but you can never get away from it for long…

Here are some pics from my favorite office locations lately.

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This was my favorite one. The view was awesome and yes that is a cut off tree stump I’m using for a desk.

Crazy storms seemed to be following me wherever I went…

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A little bit of winter tried to creep into my vacation. Yes that is hail, not snow, but damn it cooled things off.

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And finally a nice beach day of laying in the sun and writing smut.

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Sky Robinson
~Add a little sexy to your day~
Categories: Life | Tags: , , , | 6 Comments

Porn Cooties

Did you know you can get cooties from porn? Yep, you can. Now before you go skinny dipping in the gutter, I am not referring to Herpes, Gonorrhea, or Syphilis. And not Chlamydia or Crabs, either. I’m talking about the moment you say the word porn and every vanilla person within earshot runs for cover. Sheesh, it’s like when David Jones kissed Denise Smith on the playground. The poor girl was blacklisted for weeks. After all, no one wanted to catch cooties!

But alas, we are not children. We are adults. And yet, we still have the cooties mindset. We still have to deal with people who believe porn is disgusting and vile, people who hold the asinine belief that porn-lovers are every bit as disgusting and vile as the videos they watch. Really, though, we’re not. We watch porn because we want to. We watch it because we enjoy it. That doesn’t make us right or wrong. And it doesn’t mean we have some plague-like disease we’ll pass on to the first prudish person we see. It means we’re humans with hormones and a lusty libido.

Recently, this strange cootie phenomenon put me smack in an awkward situation. Picture it…I was sitting in a swanky hotel with my three girlfriends. We were chatting about who-knows-what, probably something dirty, when a strange woman approached us. She seemed nice enough so we asked her to sit down and join in the festivities. Not surprisingly, she did. The first few minutes of our exchange appeared to go smoothly. Then the worst thing happened. My PA mentioned porn. (gasps) Talk about a a disaster. The poor new girl paled. She started darting her eyes around as she clearly searched for an exit. Though, she didn’t get up. She continued to sit with us, talking in a stilted, squeaky voice. But she wasn’t really there. She was just trying to be polite long enough to make her escape. I knew it. And so did my friends. Of course, she eventually made some pithy excuse and fled us like a victim running from the axe murdering lunatic in a B-string slasher film.

Once she was gone, the four of us laughed about the prim and proper chick we’d scared the daylights out of. At that point, her revulsion and rejection was rather funny. But in retrospect, her horror wasn’t amusing, not in the least. The horrified look she gave us, the way she shied away, was a little offensive. It wasn’t like we’d done anything wrong. We’d done nothing out of line. No curses or insults had slipped from our lips. In my opinion, we’d been on our very best behavior, not that that is necessarily saying a whole lot. However, she’d treated us as if we were perverts playing a part in a freak show.

Granted, I’m a pervert. And true, I’m a one-woman freak show half the time. But those pervalicious personality traits have nothing to do with my love for porn or my being infested with cooties. They’re just icing on the cake.

So, what about you? Do you have porn cooties? Don’t tell anyone, but I kind of hope you do. XOXOXO!

Love and cherries,


Categories: 69 Shade Of Smut, Life, Uncategorized | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 14 Comments


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Image courtesy of photostock at

A lot of you probably know that I got divorced last year. Now I’m starting on this scary new venture called dating, something I haven’t done in a very long time. It’s scary and weird and fun and scary. I don’t know the rules anymore and I’m not really sure what I want out of life. Do I ever want to get married again? Probably not. But what the hell do I want?
And then there’s this whole romance writer aspect to deal with. I know that the perfect man, like the ones I write about in my books, doesn’t exist. I know. I make them up. I also know there has to be compromise and that I have to figure out what’s most important to me or I’ll end up single forever. (A lot of the time this doesn’t seem like such a bad option…)
Here are my lists and random thoughts and I would love to hear your feedback on the topic. Really, I would love to get some second and third and fourth opinions because I’m struggling to figure this damn thing out.
The must have qualities: honest, generous, caring, fun, smart, good looking (not necessarily cover model, but I wouldn’t date a man I didn’t find attractive)
Is that too much to ask for already? How about intellectual conversation and shared goals and hobbies? I like a guy that can make me laugh, not that that’s a difficult task because I never take life too seriously. What about toe curling sex. If you have that is it okay to overlook some of the other things?
What am I missing? What should be the order of importance, and what should I be willing to compromise on?


~Add a little sexy to your day~

Categories: 69 Shade Of Smut, Life | Tags: , , | 9 Comments

“You Might Be A Pervert If…” Grumpy Edition

Hi 69ers! I woke up grumpy today. Since I had no good reason for acting like one of the Seven Dwarfs, I decided that a little pick me up was in order. What do I do, you ask? I do what I always do when I’m in a foul mood. I play You Might Be a Pervert If…

Now as some of you may know—I like to share. After all, I do write ménages. So I figured you might want to play too!

Get Ready…

Get Set…

And Let The Game Begin!

You might be a pervert if…your favorite drink is Kinky vodka, even though you’ve never tasted it because you hate mango, blood orange, passion fruit, and vodka.

You might be a pervert if…you love to play naughty Mad Libs like these:

“A Rough Day”

It all started when I awoke with a horny pain in my cock. Then, my call girl was late. We got fucked in traffic for 69 minutes, which made me naughty for my meeting with Ryan Gosling. I apologized roughly to him, which seemed to make things wicked again. But then the meeting turned into vibrators, with him blowing and biting. I sucked when he licked off. On the way home, we passed a dildo on a butt plug. Suddenly the dildo nibbled in the road and my call girl had to boink to avoid it. In the process, I was kissed from the sex shop, landing on my pussy. I was covered in lube from ass to balls. Could this day get any more luscious? My call girl screwed me back into the sex shop, and we made our way back to the nipple clamps. I went straight to Kinky, Kansas. I was lusty!


“Betcha Can’t Taste the Difference”

Compare our Honey Erotic Romance Novel Toasty O’s to Honey Erotic Romance Novel Lucky Charms Cereal. You’ll moan the taste, and you’ll moan the price.

Porn-O-Meal Bowl cereals are not only salacious, they’re the best story in the cereal aisle. Compare Porn-O-Meal cereals with the groaning box brands, and you’ll see they contain all of the same whips and chains. We use only high quality handcuffs, too, so you can fuck on the sexy cock ring and scorching crop in every bowl.

Make the delicious choice with Porn-O-Meal cereals. For sexy cock ring, scorching crop, and a decadent price, it’s in the bowl!


You might be a pervert if…this sex toy has a special meaning to you. (Louisville Slugger, that’s all I’m saying.)

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You might be a pervert if…you see this in a local liquor store and laugh so hard you snort. (In the voice of Dory from Finding Nemo: “Just Keep swimming. Just keep swimming. Just keep swimming, swimming, swimming…”)

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You might be a pervert if…your favorite Bond movie is Octopussy. (Did I mention that you haven’t seen it—or any other James Bond movie—like ever?)

You might be a pervert if…if you watch porn on your smartphone because you have no Internet connection. (Hehehe. A girl has to do what a girl has to do)

You might be a pervert if…you were the only person laughing out loud in the theater while watching Wreck It Ralph.

  • Seriously? A fundgeon? Boy, I want to see the adult version of the ‘fun dungeon.’ (Whips, chains, and handcuffs, oh my!)
  • Holy guacamole! King Candy wants someone to milk his duds. (Not even for money, big boy.)
  • And Sheesh, there’s a character based around a Maraschino Cherry who’s named Jubileena Bang-Bang. Oh, scratch that. It sounded like Bang-Bang. But it is technically Bing-Bing. (My bad.)

You might be a pervert if…”Consider it hammered” doesn’t have the same meaning to you as it does to Pat from Handy Manny.

You might be a pervert if…you hear about the Bunny Bot 3000. But naturally, you assume it’s the vibe to end all vibes. Only it isn’t. The Bunny Bot 3000 is a toy on the Disney show, Jesse. (Oopsie. Glad I didn’t buy that one. Talk about a surprise.)

You might be a pervert if…you can’t drive by the Quaker, Steak, and Lube without a lewd remark. (Come on, Quaker, Steak, and Lube is just too good to pass up.)

You might be a pervert if…the Easy button makes you wistful for high school. (No, I don’t meet this one. I was a good girl back then. Now stop laughing! I’m serious. I was sweet and innocent…for a while. But that hubby of mine had to go and pervert me. Damn, I knew I loved him.)

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Love and cherries,


Categories: 69 Shade Of Smut, Life, Uncategorized | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 8 Comments

5 Minutes in the Closet with Em Petrova–Country Smut Edition

Howdy, friends and readers! I’ve been doing some major boot-knocking with some hunky cowboys lately. Western romance is just one of several genres of erotic romance I write. I have a collection of gritty loggers, blazing-hot firemen, and pirates to name a few. Finding time to write is a challenge with four kids and a busy schedule. However, I make it a priority in my life. If I don’t get my writing fix, you don’t want to be around me or even risk a Facebook message LOL.

Like everything that’s important in life, I write first and let the promotional work/dishes/Mt. St. Laundry/marketing jobs take second place. Here’s a few books I’ve been busy with recently. (Aren’t you glad I put writing first? Now you get to drool over these sexy hunks on the covers!)

First I had a cowboy menage HARD RIDIN’ release in February.

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Then I released a steaming reunion story featuring a hardened cowboy, his ex, and a truck stuck in the mud. DALLAS NIGHTS is available on Amazon, All Romance Ebooks, and Barnes and Noble.

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While writing DALLAS NIGHTS, a delicious bull rider barraged my muse with crooked smiles and witty dialogue. Look for SLICK RIDER by the end of April.

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The working man with common problems just does it for me and so many other readers. I love getting tangled up with dusty, passionate heroes and the heroines who fall for them. As a country girl, I get sucked in by down-to-earth country boys. Even hunky orthodontists with a rural practice. Confession–I have a secret crush on my daughter’s orthodontist who always looks at me a beat too long and blushes to the roots of his hair. As I couldn’t exactly fulfill that fantasy of getting together with him, I opted to write a story featuring a hunky ortho who happens to be a Dom. *grin* LIP LOCK is available for pre-order! Woot!

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So many drool-worthy heroes to look at above. Which is your favorite? Thanks for stopping by for 5 minutes with me. *Mwah!*

Em Petrova
~where words mean so much more~

Categories: 69 Shade Of Smut, Books, Characters, Life | 5 Comments

Good Sports ;)

So, March is over and I have the lucky date of giving you a post on April Fool’s!  My mom was always doing silly things on April Fool’s and I’ll miss that this year. But on we go, right?

I’ve been trying to think what to do for April Fool’s on the blog but I have nothing. Sorry. But I’m still going to give you something yummylicious to contemplate, to drool over, to die for….to crave. Apple pie! Hah, got ya. Yep, my apple pie recipe. I made two over this Easter weekend. One for my dad’s 90th birthday and one for Easter Dinner. I hope you enjoy it and aren’t too upset with only getting a pie recipe. However, I do encourage you to hang around just a little bit longer after the pie.

Apple Pie

1 recipe pastry for a 9 inch double crust pie

1/2 cup unsalted butter

3 tablespoons all-purpose flour

1/4 cup water

1/2 cup white sugar

1/2 cup packed brown sugar

8 apples – peeled, cored and sliced


  1. Preheat oven to 425 degrees F (220 degrees C).
  2. Have a two crust pastry ready. Either your home made or store bought. If you want to get fancy, have lattice work ready.
  3. Melt the butter in a saucepan. Stir in flour to form a paste then add water and sugars. If you want to put a dash of cinnamon in it, sprinkle into the mixture
  4. Bring to a boil, stirring. Reduce temperature and let simmer a minute or two.
  5. Fill bottom crust with apples, mounded slightly.
  6. Either  1 – Cover with a lattice work crust and gently pour sugar mixture over the crust. OR  2 – pour it over the apples and add top crust. Careful the mixture doesn’t run off.
  7. Brush top crust with egg white wash.
  8. Bake 15 minutes in the preheated oven. Reduce the temperature to 350 degrees F (175 degrees C). Continue baking for 35 to 45 minutes, until apples are soft and crust is golden.

Are you still here?

Because, I am going to give you some smut too! Oh yeah, what’s a blog without smut right? So here you go, a little bit of spoofy, smuty, smexy fun. Have you heard of the Fondled and Gobbled books? Well, I’m proud to be in the second volume with my story Keep ’em Coming. A great group of authors that I have the pleasure to be a member of wrote these great books. We’re the Cabal of Hotness and plan to corrupt the world, one reader at at time. So get corrupted already! Three more books are coming out over the next little while. But for now, here’s a little bit about the first two.

Fondled and Gobbled: Someone Had to Do It

The perfect man—with the imperfect cock and oral skills. The Dom who isn’t a dom, and the man who proves it to him. The alien with dessert-flavored semen and three cocks. The older man (a kajillionaire with a penthouse in Seattle…) who has limitless ability to come all night with his naïve little virgin. goingbackforseconds_msrA woman on a diet who craves a feast of meat and finds herself five Broadshaft Brothers who can deliver.

If you’re looking for the perfect romance with the perfect hero and heroine, this isn’t it! This is a series of spoofs, parodies, just-for-fun lighthearted take-offs. It’s for all us longtime, hard-core romance readers who can laugh at the clichés, purple prose and “suspend your disbelief” plot devices that haunt our beloved favorite genre.

Fondled and Gobbled: Going Back for Seconds

The virgin whose carefully planned hymen removal doesn’t work out the way all the romance novels told her it would. A busty broad doing what she can to get over her penis anxiety—assisted by a cadre of male strippers. A not-so-bright (and not so “big”) alien who comes to claim his life mate, and the Earth girl who wants to be claimed at all costs. A cursed, mute shapeshifter who needs to pop his cherry with his unsuspecting fated mate.

If you’re looking for the perfect romance with the perfect hero and heroine, this isn’t it! This is a series of spoofs, parodies, just-for-fun lighthearted take-offs. It’s for all us longtime, hard-core romance readers who can laugh at the clichés, purple prose and “suspend your disbelief” plot devices that haunt our beloved favorite genre.

Excerpt from Keep ’em Coming

She was hornier than a two-peckered toad watching these hotties strip, bump and grind onstage all night. Now she was going to be up close and personal. See those penises full on and hopefully the banana hammock would fall off. Ravyn stumbled up the stage steps, her toe catching on the lip. She tried to catch herself before catapulting onto her belly. Fuck she was clumsy! She hit the stage like a train wreck. Arms flung out in front, sliding down the runway into Mack’s legs, nearly knocking him off his feet.

Rolling onto her back, she looked up at him. Past the muscular thighs, and zeroed in on his bulging package that loomed over her. She licked her lips and lay there like a dumb ass.

Coming Soon!




Now since you’ve all been such good sports for my spoofiness on April Fool’s. Here’s some REAL eye candy. Ellora’s Cave Cavemen.

cavemen not fuzzy

You can find me at:!/CristalRyder

The Cabal of Hotness

Ellora’s Cave

All Romance ebooks


Barnes & Noble


Sybarite Seductions

Lyrical Press

Categories: Guest Post, Life, New Release | Tags: , , , , , , , , , | 6 Comments

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