Porn Cooties

Did you know you can get cooties from porn? Yep, you can. Now before you go skinny dipping in the gutter, I am not referring to Herpes, Gonorrhea, or Syphilis. And not Chlamydia or Crabs, either. I’m talking about the moment you say the word porn and every vanilla person within earshot runs for cover. Sheesh, it’s like when David Jones kissed Denise Smith on the playground. The poor girl was blacklisted for weeks. After all, no one wanted to catch cooties!

But alas, we are not children. We are adults. And yet, we still have the cooties mindset. We still have to deal with people who believe porn is disgusting and vile, people who hold the asinine belief that porn-lovers are every bit as disgusting and vile as the videos they watch. Really, though, we’re not. We watch porn because we want to. We watch it because we enjoy it. That doesn’t make us right or wrong. And it doesn’t mean we have some plague-like disease we’ll pass on to the first prudish person we see. It means we’re humans with hormones and a lusty libido.

Recently, this strange cootie phenomenon put me smack in an awkward situation. Picture it…I was sitting in a swanky hotel with my three girlfriends. We were chatting about who-knows-what, probably something dirty, when a strange woman approached us. She seemed nice enough so we asked her to sit down and join in the festivities. Not surprisingly, she did. The first few minutes of our exchange appeared to go smoothly. Then the worst thing happened. My PA mentioned porn. (gasps) Talk about a a disaster. The poor new girl paled. She started darting her eyes around as she clearly searched for an exit. Though, she didn’t get up. She continued to sit with us, talking in a stilted, squeaky voice. But she wasn’t really there. She was just trying to be polite long enough to make her escape. I knew it. And so did my friends. Of course, she eventually made some pithy excuse and fled us like a victim running from the axe murdering lunatic in a B-string slasher film.

Once she was gone, the four of us laughed about the prim and proper chick we’d scared the daylights out of. At that point, her revulsion and rejection was rather funny. But in retrospect, her horror wasn’t amusing, not in the least. The horrified look she gave us, the way she shied away, was a little offensive. It wasn’t like we’d done anything wrong. We’d done nothing out of line. No curses or insults had slipped from our lips. In my opinion, we’d been on our very best behavior, not that that is necessarily saying a whole lot. However, she’d treated us as if we were perverts playing a part in a freak show.

Granted, I’m a pervert. And true, I’m a one-woman freak show half the time. But those pervalicious personality traits have nothing to do with my love for porn or my being infested with cooties. They’re just icing on the cake.

So, what about you? Do you have porn cooties? Don’t tell anyone, but I kind of hope you do. XOXOXO!

Love and cherries,

-Mia

Categories: 69 Shade Of Smut, Life, Uncategorized | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 14 Comments

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14 thoughts on “Porn Cooties

  1. I absolutley love this. My husband, who actually watches porn and drives (NOT WHEN WE ARE IN THE CAR!!!) says my writing and the erotic books I read are so dirty and wrong. Seriously???!!! Anything that is sex related and comes up in conversation seems to make stuffy people stuffier and snotty. Sex is sex… unless you are out rolling in mud it isn’t dirty, no matter how kinky you get! ‘Tis the way of the world. Go get you some porn cooties lovies, and enjoy it! 😉 You rock Mia. Thank you for the good laugh, and great post.
    ❤ Shae Shannon

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  2. I have porn cooties galore and I wouldn’t have it any other way! MWAH!
    I get a big kick out of the folks who remember me from high school and then read my book. They have a very hard time wrapping their heads around the fact that the sweet, shy valedictorian wrote some of the hottest sex they’ll ever read. I was told by one of them that I brought sexy back to the women of my graduating class! Bwhahahaha!

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  3. Cherie Clark

    Yes I do I enjoy it. When you are not getting any it is nice to watch porn and to get excited. I believe creation was meant to be admired and if I do that through watching others enjoy sex then so be it. I don’t have a neon sign over my head but I also will not bow my head in shame. Hope you kept having fun inspite if this person.

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  4. Kaylyn D

    Nothing wrong with porn! Lol

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  5. I agree with Cherie. I like to watch porn. Turns me on. Then I have to use the B.O.B. LOL.
    I also have people that look down on me for reading the SMUT that I read. Not my problem. If you don’t like it that’s your choice. Leave me alone.

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  6. Hahahaha! Mia!! You scared the vanilla chic! I wish I had seen it! I have both porn AND smut cooties! It makes me happy to not have to deal with uptight people! I think I’ll make special name tags for the next convention that say, “Hello, My Name Is _______, and I like smut! Shake My Hand At Your Own Risk”….. That should scare the uptight judgy-wudgy people away so that the Cootie-ridden Smut Lovers can find each other more easily and have ALL THE FUN,

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  7. Mia, I will NEVER forget the look on the poor girls face when she politely informed us “I’m vanilla.” and I swear after that she couldn’t even look any of us in the eyes. I wear my porn cooties tiara as proudly as she wore her costume cowboy hat!

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  8. darkwriter67

    Can men get porn cooties?

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  9. Kim Bollinger

    Love my erotica!! Do not really care who knows what I read. Not too fond of porn videos just cuz the are boring and unrealistic. If some of our fave authors could write the script n direct, I would probably love them. So I have lots of cooties too!!

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  10. Love to watch porn, love to read porn. I feel sorry for those who don’t explore their sexuality and think it’s dirty

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  11. Tina D

    I have no shame I will bring my porn out and show it off

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  12. I sort of got over that when my Best Friend at the time took me and her mother shoe shopping at an adult bookstore that catered to transvestite males because they had the best shoes and in wide and larger sizes and they were comfortable hard to get flustered when you buy a BOB in front of her

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  13. I love my porn (especially gay porn) and woe to the asshole who tries to take it away! LOL! Thanks for this post.

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