If Cowboys of the Old West Could Text

These days no one is without their phone. We’ve got tendonitis of the thumbs. Half the time, our words come out as text abbreviations—OMG, FML, WTF. So what if cowboys of the Old West could have texted? What would they have to say and what funny abbreviations might fit their lives?


Here are a few:

FOMH—Fell Off My Horse. Might be used after a hard night spent at the saloon or when a pissed off enemy takes a wild shot at you

LSHFOMH—Laughing So Hard Fell Off My Horse

JMS—Jangles My Spurs—the modern equivalent of OMG

HACH—Hot as a Cat House—might refer to the Texas heat or a very desirable painted lady

SYA—Shoot Your Ass—The enemy gets one warning

D—Draw. And by DRAW, I don’t mean play a game of Pictionary or draw our your phone to have another texting conversation.

RAUW—Rank As an Un-bathed Whore—for the foulest of smells

HETEAP—Hungry Enough to Eat a Possum

What texts could you come up with? I’d love to hear from you!

I’ll leave you with a bit of dialogue from my sexy new cowboy ménage WILD WILD HEARTS!

excerpt from WILD WILD HEARTS http://bit.ly/PYlJ7m

“What the hell was that, Nolan?”

Stopping, he waited for his cousin to catch up. Together they strode across the cracked mud street and to the hitching post where they’d tethered their horses.

“Trouble,” he answered.

Drew released a low laugh. “When the hell isn’t a Hollis boy up to his ass crack in trouble? You gonna fill me in so next time I can come prepared?”

Nolan whirled on him. “What the hell are you doin’ in a place like that anyhow?”

Drew tugged his hat brim. “What are you?”

“I’m older.”

“By fourteen days.”

“All right, neither of us ought to be in that saloon. Our family values say otherwise.”

“But you were, and you had some issue with the man who sells—”

“Jesus! Shut the hell up before the whole town hears you. Who knows what other Hollis men lurk in the darkness.” Nolan barely controlled the volume of his voice as panic set in.

Drew fell silent as he jerked the rope free and led his horse away from the others. Without another word, he slipped into the saddle and pointed his horse toward home.

Nolan watched his retreating back for a moment. “Fuck.” He hurled his leg over his mount and spurred Bullseye after Drew.

Trotting beside him, Nolan fought to keep calm. He’d just assaulted a man in broad view, and that wouldn’t go unnoticed. The weasel wouldn’t fight fair, especially with the Jade Pair to lose. That meant they’d have to watch their backs—and those of their family members.

Eventually the family would hear about it. And he was still shaken over what he’d seen—was Sofia injured more than he’d guessed? Sometimes blows to the head meant the person wouldn’t live.

No, she was fine. Just a goose egg.

He battled to remain on the trail home with Drew, because his heart was back in that saloon with Sofia and Isaac.

Damn, he was in deeper than he thought. When a Hollis’s possessive nature burst forth, he was pretty much doomed to a church wedding.
Except, that could never happen for Nolan. His involvement with the Jade Pair was a dead end—a railroad track that came to an abrupt stop in the middle of the wilderness. But Nolan had no ability to turn around, did he? When he’d climbed into bed with Sofia and Isaac, he’d sent his heart barreling down the track, and there was no way to stop it.

How had it happened? Many times he’d heard about his parents falling in love at first sight, but that seemed farfetched to a young man.

It’s lust. Nothing more.

He needed to be the one to speak to his parents about this event. If they learned of it through another family member, Nolan would find himself knee-deep in manure for the rest of his life. He wasn’t about to be put on shit duty.

“Drew, will you listen to a story?”

The quiet rustle of horseflesh and leather was his only answer. After a long minute, Drew replied, “You know I will, cos.”

“That man I assaulted—”

“Tried to choke.”

A begrudging smile tilted the corner of Nolan’s lips. “Yeah. He has a couple working for him—”

“The Jade Pair? Holy harness, Nolan. You’re fooling around with them?”

Grinding his teeth, Nolan had to renew his personal vow never to strike another Hollis. He’d gotten into more than one tussle with his brothers and cousins, and his father had taken him to task about it a few years ago. Since then, Nolan had gotten a handle on his hot head. In fact, he was known as the quiet one.

In the past few days, he’d tossed away his promise to stay far from drink and women, as well as to keep his hands to himself. How quickly his dangerous, aggressive side had ripped through the fabric of his personal oath.

This is why Pa wished to ingrain these values in us.

But was it so wrong? His heart didn’t think so.

Pressing his lips into a fine line, he tried to find words to answer his cousin. Maybe the flat-out truth was best.

“No one knows this,” he began.

“They never do. Look at Graham—married in secret for weeks before he came forward with his bride.” Drew’s teeth flashed white in the moonlight with his grin.

Nolan snorted. “Well, that was a might different from this. I am fooling around with the Jade Pair—Sofia and Isaac. But it’s not what you think.”

“How can that be? You’ve been paying, right?”

“Just that once—”

“And you think you’re special because you were let into their bed without shelling out the coin the other times?”

Nolan swallowed, his throat tight. Actually, there had only been those two times. Could Drew be horribly, painfully right?

Silent, Nolan rode on, his horse drifting farther away from Drew’s. They crested a short ridge and hit a flat spot that would stretch for miles before they’d reach Hollis land.

Drew guided his horse alongside Nolan’s. “I’m sorry. Your news surprised me, is all.”

“With all honesty, it surprised me too.”

“You really have feelings for them?”

His stomach flipped. “Lord help me, I do.”

“What will come of it, cos?” Drew’s question held no trace of sarcasm. The sincerity of his tone made Nolan’s heart constrict with sadness.

“I don’t know. I’m afraid my heart is in it for the long haul, but circumstances are beyond my control.”

With that, he sank his spurs into Bullseye’s flanks and sent him racing toward the shadow of the ranch he called home. The family that he loved filled this valley—homesteads speckled the land. But an emptiness lived inside him at the realization that he had more to live for—and lose—in a dingy saloon.

Loneliness is a bitter tonic.

Em Petrova
~where words mean so much more~

Categories: 69 Shade Of Smut, Books, Characters, Life | 4 Comments

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4 thoughts on “If Cowboys of the Old West Could Text

  1. wow; another great excerpt from the book; and more insight to the story…
    AITH – ace in the hole; something useful held in reserve
    AHNC – all hat no cattle; someone trying to impress but has no knowledge
    HT – high tail; leave quickly
    HS – home spread; HQ of ranch
    or you can make up a smutty definition with these texts… 🙂


  2. I about fell off my chair laughing at the cowboy texting!
    MOB-mail order bride

    FIHH- fox in the hen house, this could work literally or an outlaw at the whore house

    MMHN- meet me high noon

    Great stuff Em!


  3. Ohhh, these are great ideas! Love them!


  4. RAUW is my all time favorite! I love it.


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