If the FBI Looked at My Browsing History


Recently I started thinking about what would happen if my hard drive was confiscated by the FBI. That mysterious little group would have one hell of a fun time looking at what I do! Everything—okay, almost everything—I look at is for the good of the writing craft.
Strange research topics top the list of what I browse for. Here’s a little sampling of some of the bizarre things I’ve searched for in the past two months:

1. What did a whore cost in 1870’s Texas?
2. Famous arson names
3. Analingus techniques
4. Banana pictures
5. Mantel vs. mantle (b/c I can never remember which is a cloak and which is the one you make love in front of)
6. Hunky cowboy pictures
7. Chemicals used to start fires
8. The Fray lyrics
9. Sexy stilettos
10. Entertainment for kids in summer
11. Quotes about love
12. Swedish boy and girl names
13. Same Sex curiosity
14. Middle Eastern names
15. Jack-off buddy
16. Slave pictures
17. Leopard coats
18. Fantastic-ebooks, because they pirated my stories and I had to threaten them with legal action, so don’t ever purchase anything from them please!
19. “If I Were a Boy” by Beyonce on youtube, as sung by Nellie from the Glee Project
20. Pawsitive Image grooming (for Daisy Hasselhoff, my Labradoodle puppy)
21. Vaginal tattooing
22. Lingerie in Old West
23. How to hold a sword
24. Would someone die if shot in the … (insert body part)
25. Dom terms

That is just the beginning of my browsing history. This barely skims the number of trips to Tumblr I make, or the visits to video sites for a little inspiration. *grin* These searches involve everything from masturbation to shackles.

Then there are times I’m searching for coloring pages for my kids, and I’ve gone through about ten pages of “lemur pictures”. So what do you think the FBI would think of me? Would they cart me away, screaming and kicking that I’m just an erotic romance author and mother of four?

Here’s a little contest for you. Come up with a name for my “illness” or “crime”, and I’ll choose the best one in my opinion. Winner gets her choice of title from my backlist! Can’t wait to see what you come up with!

Em Petrova
~where words mean so much more~

Categories: Uncategorized | 10 Comments

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10 thoughts on “If the FBI Looked at My Browsing History

  1. Laurie P

    I love it, because mine is almost as bad. But I have Scottish names, DNA extraction, Steel jawed foothold traps, Corvette engine sizes, rimming and a gay porn site. Wolf leg bones skeletal structure, and Ketamine dosing.


  2. Laurie P

    Oh and my name for this is Fractalgoogleresearchitis


  3. Susan W.

    I was just thinking what would happen if I had to take my computer in to get it fixed and they looked at my browsing history. Some of the tumbler sites I found through book bloggers and author blogs would shock a few people who I know!

    How about eclecticeroticwriterresearchitis?


  4. I think all of us have horrible history. I laugh at the things I research. At least we can prove why we look up the craziest things..


  5. Carin W

    Okay lets see you like to light fires, are a sexual explorer, historian interested in self defense and coloring books who wants to do so wearing stilettos so your “illness” must be diagnosed as

    Pyroeroticresearchmania aggravated by crayoliaitis
    nothing is wrong with wearing stilettos with everything they make your legs look spectacular ;O)


  6. That’s funny. I’m sure someone would shake and scratch their heads. Great post.


  7. I’m glad I’m not the only one that’s concerned about my browsing history. Mine is just a delicious….um, I mean bad. tee hee.


  8. Mine is the same way! Great post. I would say they might diagnose us with stimulation overload curiosity disorder, ROFL


  9. Writers-r-endlessly curious syndrome. Let’s face it, it’s true!


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