69ers, I’d like to introduce you to stunt performer and coordinator MacCale Moore, the hero of my upcoming paranormal erotic romance, Perpetual Pleasure. I caught up with him at the gym, his natural habitat, doing his second favorite half-clad thing, working out.
Dita: Mac. Psst, Mac, over here.
Mac: Not now, Dita. *attempts to kill a heavy bag with his bare hands*
Dita: I need to talk to you, just for a minute. Spare me a speed date?
Mac: *jab* I don’t speed date. *jab jab jab* I slow date. *jab*
Dita: *rolls her eyes*
Mac: You’re rolling your eyes, aren’t you? *jab jab jab*
Dita: No. *more rolling of eyes* Come on. For the ladies?
Mac: Honey, there’s only one woman for me and you know it.
Dita: Do I ever. *seeing her opportunity, Dita runs with it* That’s what I wanted to talk to you about.
*hands dropping, Mac turns around very very slowly* Is Lucie OK?
*Dita turns away and wanders off at her leisure*
Mac: Dita, wait! *catches up before you can say cunnilingus*
Dita: What? Sorry, yes, she’s just peaches.
Mac: That ain’t funny.
Dita: Yeah, it is. She’s indestructible and yet you worry.
Mac: I love her.
Dita: I’m glad you do. *innocent glances up and down and all around* Now that you’re here, take a break and answer some questions for me? 60 seconds, literally. Cinemax style.
*realizing he’s been had, Mac shakes his head* You’re impossible.
Dita: Nothing’s impossible. Who said that?
Mac: I did. *shakes his head again and goes for some water* Okay. Shoot.
Dita: Lover or fighter?
Mac: There is no or, only and.
Dita: Was that supposed to be Yoda? George Lucas called, you’re fired.
Mac: Clock’s ticking, baby.
Dita: Plan it or wing it?
Mac: On set, plan it. In RL, ad-lib it.
Dita: Win a Taurus or an Oscar?
Mac: There’s no Oscar for stunt coordination.
Dita: Yeah. What’s that all about?
Mac: Since it’s voted on by my peers, the Taurus, hands down.
Dita: Fortune or fame?
Mac: You know how I feel about fame, so I’m gonna go with fortune.
Dita: Save the day or get the girl?
Mac: Save the day with the girl.
Dita: Gene Kelly or Fred Astaire?
Mac: Gene Kelly.
Dita: Grace Kelly or Jane Russell?
Mac: Jane Russell.
Dita: Superman or Ironman?
Dita: Steven Spielberg or Martin Scorsese?
Mac: Oh man… *long pause* Spielberg, for Indiana Jones. Those movies are a stunt fest.
Dita: Go back in time or get a glimpse of the future?
Mac: The past, definitely. I’d visit Lucie in the 19th century. Or the 18th. Or both.
Dita: Indoors or outdoors?
Dita: A night at the opera or the ballet?
Mac: Are you implying I wouldn’t set foot-
Dita: Clock’s ticking, baby.
Mac: The ballet. Man, that’s like running a marathon. Gracefully.
Dita: Would you rather have a good sense of fashion or a great sense of humor?
Mac: Sense of humor, definitely. I would just laugh at my clothes along with everyone else.
Dita: Destiny or serendipity?
Dita: Tell her I love you or show her I love you?
Mac: Let her feel the love, not just hear the words.
Dita: Kids. One and done or the more the merrier?
Mac: The more the merrier.
Dita: Uh, does Lucie know?
Mac: Oh yes.
Dita: Quickie or marathon?
Mac: Yes, please.
Dita: Butt or breasts?
Mac: No body part left behind.
Dita: Barely legal or cougar?
Mac: *gives Dita a stare down* Seriously? I think I’d have much more fun with a… Do I have to say it? It’s such a predatory label. You know what they call men who date women half their age? Lucky bastards. So ladies, listen up. *pretends he’s talking to a camera* If a young stud tells you you’re hot and that they’d love to fuck you, take the compliment and the cock and-
Dita: *slapping him in the arm* Will…you…just…shush!
Mac: I tell it like it is. You asked.
Dita: Oh look! Sixty seconds is up.
Mac: Yeah, like three times over at least.
Dita: Could I ask for one more thing?
Mac: What is it, Dita?
Dita: A photo for the 69ers? All you have to do is keep that pose, it’s perfect.
Dita: Stupid phone. *grumbling and fumbling* Lemme zoom in just a bit…
Mac: Dita? *gets caught staring* May I put my hands down? Anything else I can do for you?
Dita: Yes and no. Except tell Lucie I said hi.
Mac: Will do. When’s the book coming out?
Dita: I’ll keep you posted. Sorry for the interruption, and thanks.
Mac: My pleasure. See you around, honey. *gives a quick peck on the cheek and turns to leave* You’re staring at my ass, aren’t you?